I don't see a reason to give titles for every post, so...

Hello, blaboonga, old buddy. I'm writing on you now in mah new house in a space shuttle on the Moon.

Well, on one of the Moons of Jupiter.

See, blaboonga, it is the holidays right now. I really have nothing to say, except that I'm missing a few close pals even though they have barely left Doha. They won't even leave anytime soon. I just wish I could spend time playing with them, har har.

And welcome to those who came back to Doha for the holidays from college or wherever. You know who you are.

You see, I plan to spend the holidays:

- Finishing my Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell novel,

- Improve on my art skills... --Har har. Whatever. I love drawing, and I'll draw like those awesome artists in deviantart someday (good joke!), so be it.

- Do my homework.

- Tumblr.

- Make my new room look dazzling, durr hurr. And help Ma sort out the house, ofc.

- Become healthier by exercising around this new and spacious compound. Which probably won't be of a success, but 'an accomplishment is made with the starting thought to try'. or something like it.

- Go to the Pearl, maybe on the 25th. Not for celebrating Christmas, God forbids, but I like how they decorate it, and the weather. But there are no friends to go with. Le sigh.

Looks like I've spent my hols doing the first four already, and on my way with the fifth. Sigh.

I lost my glasses in the car after I slept in it. So I spent the day until around 2 without it, and the world was a blur. So I went to the car sort of hopelessly and searched again. After all those hours...

IT WAS UNDER A SHOE.

I mean, I thought it slipped under the car seat to somewhere unreachable, but no...

IT WAS UNDER A SHOE. AND THE SHOE IS SO OBVIOUS, SITTING THERE ON THE FLOOR OF THE CAR. FFF.

I can't find my Animonster magazines with Hetalia articles in it. Which is, all of my Animonster magazines. I only have one, and half of it is ripped, and one half has half of a Hetalia article. Okay. u_u

People, this compound is empty and beautiful and new and in need of lovin'. Move here immediately. Preferrably in B21 but whatever.

Songs you need to listen to (i mean, I'm not forcing you to--let me rephrase: songs stuck in my head because it's good and deep and it is nice for people to know of it):

- Stolen by Dashboard Confessional

-Your Call by Secondhand Serenade

You have stolen my heart~ (8)

Signing out.

Look! More reasons!

1) Look in your kitchen, and see that you have lots of delicious food. You can't find anything? Then:

2) Search for money. Maybe you have your own or you might like to ask your parents for some. If you then got some, buy what you want. You have access to that.

3) I see you have so much homework. Though you're probably too tired about it you can't bring yourself to care (oh, how relatable). Well, whenever you're ready, do it, and do it nicely. Because you know you've got good grades, and thank goodness you can grow up to be someone lovely, who can help the world, and maybe give to those who cannot afford to have such education.

4) Forgive my corniness, but I believe you and your world are surrounded by love. Please see it. Got a problem? Then you've got many ears willing to listen to you, many hearts that care. You won't be ignored. No one believes you do not worth anything.

5) Check back on your age. I know you do this, but just in case. You still got a childhood to complete, and it is sad to see you heart getting broken now.

Now, you can't say that all you can do now is stop. You've got oxygen, haven't you? How about muscles? Isn't your heart still beating? What about Faith. Say you still have that? I'm sure you do. You're smart. And amazing. (and i love you, lol, though some of you will probably never hear me say it. because i'm scared to.)

Because if the world knew you as a friend, they'd care. Because we love you.

i'm done sharpening the saw.

So I've become really lame and monotonous, and I find it much better to type or think in a proper manner like this. So I can't be like her, or her, or him, or whoever, who would rather be wild and outgoing and emitting a very happy feeling to whatever group they are in. Even outside the virtual connection (I mean, MSN, of course).

I mean, you know, of course I'll try to be less distant. It's what I've always wanted to be. But I suppose I should just accept that I can't be like them. I mean, I love myself, of course, being grateful for being me and living as me and being fine, healthy, and having enough mind and heart to be called a human (and I suppose, a good human, amin).

I'll love those who has ever loved me--as friend or family (or more. Ha ha! A good joke! ... But if there is then I'll love whoever that is just as much for being able to see something good in me. And in others as well. You get what I mean)--because. Well.

ALRIGHT, CAPS LOCK TIME AHAHA. AHA. HA.

I'll just drop trying to find ways to be less monotonous and proper and just accept myself. -__- I mean I'm not friendless or anything. I love being alone (this goes for me and my sister for some reason. We're a pair of masochistic introverts), but hate being lonely.

alfajlkf;lJ s;gdbanldfjbga,.dbn

KLSFBNS

AHA. AHA. AHA. WELL. I HAVE A FRENCH TEST TOMORROW WHOO. ANYWAY, I'M JUST DROPPING IN TO SAY YES, I FEEL QUITE HORRIBLE AND DIFFERENT, BUT I'M PRETTY SURE IT'S JUST A PHASE. SO YOU KNOW. OK I'M JUST GONNA SAY 'Amin' FOR EVERYTHING THAT MADE ME SMILE TODAY. I LOVE EVERYTHING THAT MADE ME DO EXACTLY JUST THAT. OKAY THANK YOU MA, PA, SIS, FRIENDS, MY IPOD, MY VUVUZELA, RANDOM PICTURES, TUMBLR, ETC. AND OF COURSE, GOD. <3

I should stop blabbering. Okay well I finished Winnie-the-Pooh, and I'd recommend it but it seems people my age would be too embarrassed to read it, or too bored by it, for some reason.

Did this sound far-fetched and lebay? Well, I'm sorry. It's just who I am right now. (:

The Game + Sharpening the saw.

Me on my bed in my head.

Well, yesterday was fun. Went to my first real football game (as in, in a stadium), and my first real football game was a match between argentina and brazil. ((: i have no idea why i cheered for argentina. i knew brazil had a better teamwork and method, but you know. *shrugs* THERE WAS JUST THIS POWER THAT I CANNOT DESCRIBE, lol. Maybe I just had a feeling they'd win. So I bought a vuvuzela after coming there with Rania's family and I was so happy *spazzes spazzes* Ocha came along. We ate and prayed in Villi, then we left to the stadium~

I went, 'oh crepe'. I haven't got my mobile. And 'oh crepe' how do you blow in your vuvuzela? Then I got more worried as the security guard FREAKING THREW MY VUVUZELA AWAY IN SUCH A HEARTLESS MANNER THAT I CANNOT SUPPRESS MYSELF FROM EMITTING A SHOCKED GASP. So we all walked up towards our areas, all of them in such high spirits and my mood was deflated so much I felt like crying. -___- My first vuvuzela was a waste of 25 riyals, and what angered me most was that I HEARD SOME PEOPLE PLAYING SOME VUVUS LATER IN THE STADIUM. Why, guards? Why?

Oh, and I met naila.

Lol, okay, most of the memories will be kept in my mind, so let me just skip to the technical bits. It was an exciting game. Zidane was there :'D. A fan ran across the field -intruder!- and got caught by the guards. Just. Before. Argentina. Scored. A. Goal. Obviously a Brazil fan. -_- Well he ain't doing any good for the Brazilians. He held the game back. I'd be annoyed if I was playing on the pitch but I don't know about the awesome Argentinians and Brazilians. Argentina scored 1-0 on around the 88th minute? 90th minute? I forgot. By Messi. And me and Dhe3 screamed like mad. :D

MORE VUVUZELAS *RAGES* or maybe they were air-horns. Hm. Good game for the Brazilians, though. They worked hard, as they usually do.

I sort of kinda asked aloud where my mobile is after that, then Tante Suzy pulled out something from her bag and handed it to me. I was like O____O. MY MOBILE. IF I JUST HAD MY MOBILE ALL ALONG I WOULD'VE BEEN ABLE TO TAKE PICTURES. WHY? WHYY?

Then me and Rania and ocha went in, me and R bought a vuvuzela and us 3 puzzled on how we blow it. We ended up just using it as a bullhorn and saying 'toot' into it. xDD

In the car, Rania and Ocha were telling my future. About. Well. Something. *GLARES* Then we sembelehed each other verbally. :)) Then ocha left and. Sob. We went back home.

---

This part is the one that relates to the GIF above. Alright. Well, to be straightforward and to-the-point, I just feel like I need to sharpen the saw. As in, change myself. I don't do much to make an impact on a person, but I love it when, you know. Someone tells me that I am fun to talk to. I love it when they talk to me, just to let their thoughts out, y'know. Corny stuff, but it's true. I'm all corn. Corn straight from a farmer's crop field--see? All corny.

And to make it shorter, I'll try and improve myself, and I'll love everyone of you who has ever liked who I am now. :) I'm trying to find a word--alhamdulillah, mebe. I mean, for who I am now.

But gosh, do I wanna give myself an internal kick sometimes.

"Come fly with me on my plane-for-two."

Arthur opened his eyes slowly. The wind was powerful, tousling his nibbled fringe in his eyelashes. The sunset blinded him for a moment. Then—“Oh!” he cried. He finally saw what Alfred had been dying to show him all along.

There was the port, now too far away beneath where they were. He could see the bright wind-sock flapping elegantly, and the earth was dotted with buildings and dashed with trees and forestry. There was the sea, crimson beneath the reddening sky, which Arthur thought seemed even more eternal as the duo hovered high above. And the sky—what a creation! He was closer to it now, and he was sure he could jump (if, he could jump from his seat, that is) up and graze his fingers through the pink clouds. It was as if he was seeing one corner of the world to the other. He felt like a God.

He tilted his head backwards, letting out a whoop of joy. He closed his eyes as he laughed. He listened to Alfred’s mirthful hoot; a warm and wise laughter, which resonated through Arthur’s heart even above the beating wind and the rumble of the engine.

“Wow,” Arthur breathed. His gaze settled at the heavens. Placing one hand on Alfred’s shoulder, he raised the other one up to the sky, as if reaching for it. “Wow,” he repeated. He was truly lost for words.

---

So. This was MEANT to be a part of a hetalia fanfic i'm working on with uk and usa.

I was barely on the fifth chapter when I gave up. And this is what. On the twentieth? But who cares about that.

USA -or alfred- is a mechanic who dreams of flying on an open cockpit (set in the early 1900's so planes were not like those today). UK -or arthur- is an author, who's been followed by USA in his quest to search for his wrongly-convicted 14-year-old brother Sealand -or peter. wait, none of this matters. sorry to blabber. -_-

i like who i am, really, but once in a while,

some people are just too gorgeous. i can't stop myself from looking at them and wishing i had their qualities.

naila and nadhira (i shouldn't name names but there we are, i'm the less better person here) really are two brilliant people. i wish i could stand up more like them two. i wish i could be more entertaining like them. i wish i have their guts. both of them are really talented and pretty. and intelligent. everything is just more lively whenever one of them comes (and when the two of them are there, i imagine a small party going on in our little group :) ). mashaAllah for both of them. they deserve a lot of love. this feels so corny but it's true.

after all,

'all that is beautiful is loved, and all that is not is unloved.'

aaaaaaah. i don't know what i'm saying. i love who i am, honestly. but i'm so out of place standing beside them two bosses. (:

LOOKING BACK AT MY OLDER POSTS, I WAS LIKE,

'IS THAT REALLY HOW I SOUND LIKE?'

I am

so

glad that I've grown up. I think? OTL maybe not.

OKEY, LET US ADD MORE BALANCE TO THIS BLOG.

SO LIKE. I AM SORTA LIKE A LIKELY CANDIDATE FOR THE STUDENT COUNCIL, BUT I STILL GOTTA DO MY FINAL SPEECH BEFORE THE WHOLE YEAR GROUP VOTES HUZZAH.

AND LIKE. I LOVE LOVE LOVE SINGING OUT LOUD IN MY BEDROOM.

Alright srsly. LIEK. LIEK. IDK ANYMORE I JUST WANA LAUGH OUT LOUD. OKAY OKAY. I WANNA LIVE YOUNG.

wait. i'm not old. O:

*UNLEASHES MY INNER ANNOYING SELF*

God will never let your faith go to waste. (2:143)

Wow, I don't know. I really love that little message.

God will never let your faith go to waste.

God will never let your faith go to waste.

God will never let your faith go to waste.

Subhanallah <3.

A Boiling Kettle

Okeey, today's Tuesday. I'm avoiding all melancholic atmosphere as I'm writing this entry. :D

Well, I'm not sure if that's a complete lie, though. I guess I kind of give it away that I really want to say something that is swelling up inside when I'm around Sharinia. -A-

Me: *approaches Sharinia before tutor time* SIIIGHHH, Sharinia...

Her: ...Yes, Ardi?

Me: What? What makes you think that I was about to say anything?

Her: Because you always go 'SIIIGHHH, Sharinia...' these days, and it's kinda obvious you wanna say something in your mind, yanno.

Me: ... o_o

Her: Just let it out. Do not be a boiling kettle~

But everytime she says that, I do want to say something. I do need to say something. I know what that something is. I just don't know how to say it. -A- Without feeling any guilt, that is. OAO;;

AND I~,

I WANNA STAND NEXT TO YOU FOR A WHILE.

I love that song. 'Miss you' by Between the Trees. Don't know about you guys though. Aaaaah. -_-

OKAY I'M HUNGRY.

OKAY I NEED TO STUDY.

Oh I haven't blogged about Friday with Ocha and Rania in Villaggio watching Eat, Pray, Love. Oh well. It was osm. D:

SO I ASKED MYSELF,

"IF YOU REALLY WANT THAT, WHY ARE YOU DOING NOTHING?"

BECAUSE I'M SCARED.

BECAUSE THE CHANGE IS BEYOND MY IMAGINATION.

BECAUSE I'M JUST A SCRAWNY THIRTEEN-YEAR-OLD, AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.

BECAUSE I'M JUST A SCRAWNY THIRTEEN-YEAR-OLD, AND IT IS NOT HARD TO BRUISE ME.

BECAUSE I'M TOO LAZY.

'BECAUSE SOMEONE BETTER WILL TAKE THAT PLACE, SO WHAT'S THE POINT?'

---

A ha ha, fail post. This wasn't what I was trying to say. And I didn't mean to exaggerate so much.

With a Heart Wide Open

Take all of your wasted honor
Every little past frustration
Take all of your so-called problems,
Better put 'em in quotations

Say what you need to say
Say what you need to say

Walking like a one man army
Fighting with the shadows in your head
Living out the same old moment
Knowing you'd be better off instead,
If you could only . . .

Say what you need to say
Say what you need to say

Have no fear for giving in
Have no fear for giving over
You'd better know that in the end
Its better to say too much
Then never say what you need to say again

Even if your hands are shaking
And your faith is broken
Even as your eyes are closing
Do it with a heart wide open

Say what you need to say
Say what you need to say
Say what you need to say
Say what you need to say

---
Say by John Mayer

Lol, out of all the other heartfelt songs there are...
idk.

OMG FIRST WEEK OF SCHOOL YAY.

Well, it certainly passed very...

Slowly.

No matter. After spending 5 days in the hospital right after arriving in this sandbox, meeting friends is a real treat. Congrats, Ocha, for wearing the hijab (full-time?) :'D. God must be proud of you. I, on the other hand, am still waiting for my heart to be willing. Don't know when that will be, but I'll get there, insyaallah. -A-;;

I had... 6 BLOOD TESTS IN TOTAL (well, around 7 or 8 if you count the times where the needle failed to draw blood) one day after the other. But those ant bites were nothing; what killed me were the IVs. O__o They were like SCORPION STINGS--not that I've ever been bitten by those babies before. So the doctor took blood tests because mom was afraid that my trombosis (or however you spell it) levels are okay, because if they dropped fast, that might mean i have DEMAM BERDARAH (dengue fevaaaah). Well, it was okay, except that...

THE VIRUS THAT ATTACKED ME KILLED UP MY WHITE BLOOD CELLS AND GAVE ME A MASSIVE FEVER and I had slight anaemia, so i was given these horrible iron syrups which tasted fine at first, but then as i drank them more, it tasted more like blood itself.

And the doctor kept me in the hospital because i might get infected and i will not be able to fight diseases well because of my deceased white blood cells, lol.

Alright. School.

Now our tutor group's name is cool, thats one. :D 910, or 9TEN to be proper. Then they had these neat shades and new teachers, which some students find highly attractive. Whether I'm one of these students or not, I say nothing.

And I know this is quite late, but do allow me to welcome Zulfikar Fathoni (FIKARHE) into QIS. And other new students, of course. :'D Hope you guys cope well.

Well, I feel intimidated by some teachers (MISTERMATHCOPLEY), that is probably only my worry for the week. And the fact that I feel INCOMPLETE, though I don't know why such a 'godforsaken' feeling overcomes me that much (mareesha doesnt read this blog, but i loved the way she used that term in english).

PE nearly had me barfing. I loved it and all, but I'm not fit enough for it. And we only had to dig in volleyball. I hate that about me. I don't know, my anaemia was acting up, or I was seriously out of oxygen levels. And I sort of self-promised this year, I'll make improvements in my physical status. Oh, nadhira (she wont read this), why can't I have the same stamina as you have. And you, too, Sharinia. I feel miles away from becoming like my football heroes (which is truthfully the second purpose on why i must excel in physical challenges -_-).

Nothing deep and heartfelt I want to transfer across in this post. I just want to add, 'OMG SRSLY, QIS HAS ITS OWN GLEE CLUB??!!11!' and keep the world spinning with love, life and laffterr. ((:

Alright bainao.

WELL I FOUND MY INNER-GLEEK.

I CAN'T UPLOAD PICTURES HERE, but you know those pictures you see around? With the word 'GEE' and a hand with fingers making an 'L' shape, so it would be gLee? Yep, that's the one.

I can't ramble much here because it would be uninteresting, but I find the series interesting. Created by Ryan Murphy, the musical series is about a teacher who has hopes in reviving the 'Glee' Club and send it to the regionals.

In the beginning, there were six people on board; Finn, the quarterback and a nice and talented guy. Rachel, the female protagonist who wants to be a star in the future. Smart and independent, she has a bit of feelings for Finn. Kurt (my favourite xD ), a fashionable soprano who admitted he was gay; Artie, a geeky guitarist on wheelchairs; Mercedes, preppy and outgoing, and Tina, the bashful Asian girl.

Lol, I don't feel like putting writing powers to this. Ah, it's just nice and funny to watch. I don't care if Kurt is gay, he's interesting to me. And I suppose that's what the show is trying to stop; stereotypical views.

Finn, a quarterback, is dating Quinn, the mean cheerleader. That's one example of stereotype that the show is trying to stop by [SPOILERS] making him like Rachel back. And how the football team is too macho to dance? Kurt and Finn stopped that. A couple of guys from the team joined Glee club (including the very stubborn and homophobic Puck), and vice versa. Well, break the stereotypes. Have a quarterback defend a gay boy who is very much in love with him. Have the whole football team dance to 'Ring On It' in the middle of a game. Like what Sue Sylvester (the very sarcastic cheerleader coach who was very determined to bring down Glee) said, "Get out of your box, even if the box is only your home."

idk what I'm trying to say. Was I trying to say that glee is awesome? Or Kurt is so far my bias for now? Or stop thinking stereotypically?

Ah. This was boring. But I love glee anyway.

Bought 2 albums of their music. whee. :))

A Little Note of Red and White

Gee, 65 years already. :)

I suppose this is one of the things I like about my country. Firstly, born in a place where there are lots of corruptions and terrorists and explosives (LPGs, daang), sometimes, the atmosphere is rather down. But Indonesia offers many things. Like its nature. Its cultures. Traditions. History. Its skies.

Wait, I'm also confused about how this connects. Well, we have all these things, and we're proud anyway to call it Indonesia's. Indonesia's nature, culture, traditions, history, and skies. Not the Dutch's. Not the Japanese's.

And we couldn't have called it Indonesia if not for our strength. We are one of those countries who managed to break out of our not-so-comfort zone, and we fought for it. We stopped being pushed around by the Dutch, and we took a stand against the Japanese, and maybe some other countries who decided, 'Hey, let's dominate that country, because I love the weather there!'

And our reply would be, 'You know what? We won't live like this. It's time to move up and say that this is our land. Our home. Not yours.' (Well, imagine there were other countries.)

So thank you Soekarno and Hatta, and the others who fought for our freedom. Like Washington to America, I see them as the fathers of our country. Rip the blue from the flag, and leave the red and white for us. This was what we wanted.

17/08/45

'Unity in diversity.' - Indonesian motto.

And Ramadhan Kareem!

With Love, From Him

Got this from Ocha. Subhanallah. :)

Orang Yang Jatuh Cinta Diam-diam

...In the end, a person who secretly falls in love is only able to pray. They could only pray, after getting tired of hoping, a sort of dream that appeared from the beginning, which grew from a very small shape, and the longer they hoped the bigger it grew, the longer they hoped the farther it seemed. A person who secretly falls in love could finally at the end accept it. A person who secretly falls in love grasps the fact that reality is not always the same as what they would want it to be. Sometimes what we wanted can turn out nothing like what we needed. And to be honest, what we needed was only to rely on fate. A person who secretly falls in love could only, like what they have always done, fall in love alone.

---

I decided to (unofficially) translate the ending paragraph of the first chapter of Raditya Dika's book, Marmut Merah Jambu, because this describes what I am feeling, and always had been feeling whenever I stupidly get fond of someone, so far in my ridiculously young thirteen years of living.

Was my translating bad? Ha, ha.

Marmut Merah Jambu is a book filled with bitter-sweet collections of Raditya's love experiences, both happy and sad. You should read it.

I don't know, I just felt like abusing my Hotmail.

Hello, you! :D (I say you because as I'm writing this, I haven't chosen a contact yet).

I'm writing this to you because I feel like getting to know three randoms of my contacts a little better. It's up to you how you take it, but I'm just writing this to you.

So apparently, I was given the name 'Ardianty Dharmawan'. 13 now, will go on 14 on 7th May 2011. Introverted and pessimistic, but for some reason, I'm told by my friends to stop smiling here and then. Must be because I look creepy when I smile.

Joke. You probably think I'm weird right now. Or how I should get myself a job. Well, I'm taking a break from baby-sitting my cousin. Like I said, it's up to you how you take it.

I'm not going to ask for basics. I'm not going to ask what you like and what you hate, and I'm not asking you to reply back.

So what is the point of me writing this?

Well, here in Indonesia, I'm on vacation. Although it rains on most days, the skies here are very beautiful. Azure and limitless, with puffy clouds and blue mountains bordering the horizon. The air is very fresh as well, if you live in my neighbourhood. It gets polluted with traffic, but when you live in the suburbs or in a nice and clean, green complex, cycling beneath the arching trees are great. Sadly, I only have one bicycle (well, two, but my grandpa uses that one and it's not meant for destroyed roads), so cycling gets a tad lonely. Oh, well. (Wait, how does this relate?)

In truth, I'm scared of your reply. You know how some people are, right? You want to be nice, but how you act just makes them say:

Oh. My. God. Would you please just go die?

That's serious. Suicide is NOT funny. It never was.

Sorry for bringing that up. Just the world is getting more corrupt.

If you have read this, thank you for your time. I needed to let something out.

With lots of blue skies to come,
Nawamrahd Ytnaidra.

----

Above is something I actually wrote on my Hotmail. Once I finished it, I was satisfied, but then as I looked up at my contacts to select the random three, I paused. I felt odd. I felt silly. I felt chicken.

So I didn't send it. And I know that less than three people would read this right now, and why should they? It only wastes their time. And they're on holiday. They've probably forgot about blogger and their contacts now.

Well, with lots of blue skies,
From me.

LET US REKINDLE THAT SPARK~~

No.

Hmm, I want to steer clear of negative posts these days. Not that I'm especially optimistic recently, but just because life is fine and I find it more mature to write about much more happier things and letting people know I am a-okay.

So yes, this weekend was good. :) We did this performance in Qatar Charity for end-of-year KAIFA thing yesterday. Laughed a lot. Kak Andi was superb; never seen any man as likeable and creative as he was. He brought back Mio to me! :'D //SOB

Since Wednesday, the week was rounding off to a good end, actually. Practiced at Tante Evin's and Tante Suzy's house, and the rehearsal was hilarious! xD Then the next day on Thursdayy we practiced in QC, and I had fun. :))

There's really nothing much I could say. -____- Just a really good week and I have homework I haven't even touched.

And about the title... Erm. It's only irrelevant and I don't wanna membahas what it's about. x))

And I wanna change my tumblr name. D: But to what? I forgot what names I had in my mind.

seeyoulater.

OCHA?? YOU THERE??

LOL WELL I JUST WANTED TO SAY THAT WHATEVER I WROTE ON MY LAST POST (now deleted because I found it immature), IT'S ONLY BECAUSE. YOU KNOW. I'VE BEEN ON A BAD MOOD LATELY AND I JUST FEEL FRUSTRATED AT THE SLIGHTEST BIT OF MISTREATMENT.

BUT YOU KNOW WHAT IT'S OKAY IF YOU SNATCH THINGS OUT OF MY HAND (just as long as you don't hurt me or over-do it or knock over things (MAH NOODLES!!! D8<) in the process -_____- jihan), LOOK DOWN AT ME WHEN I 'FAIL' OR SOMETHING BECAUSE I KNOW YOU GUYS ARE JUST FOOLING AROUND. And I really really like it to be part of such osm friends.

SO YES, YOU CAN JUST FORGET WHAT I WROTE IN MY LAST POST, though I'd still like a little bit of respect. Treat me however you'd like but I just want us to be friends--best friends even--and don't treat me any more different than how you treat anyone else.

GOT THAT? GOOD.

I WANNA BE WITH YOU AND MAKE BELIEVE WITH YOU AND LIVE IN HARMONY, HARMONY OH--

Anyway, on Friday, I went on a hang-out with Brateewee, Kaela, Jana, Arshee, Noha and watched Iron Man 2 in Villaggio. -w- It was funny and action-packed. And Robert Downey Jr was cool. Won't go to too much details except for the fact that I had so much fun and laughed a lot. :DD

Then the next day there was a test at Kaifa. Wouldn't say I did well at it... -_-' And watched

~*SHERLOCK HOLMES*~

*sparkles like Edward Cullen*

Yes, one of the best movies ever for me. Well, not just because I sense more chemistry between Holmes and Watson than with the women characters, either. The storyline was so captivating and smart. The humour was good, and ít always keeps you on the edge of your seat wanting to know more.

No reviews here cuz I don't do reviews. That's Fikar's job. But yes, I'm satisfied now that I've watched the movie since I've been wanting to watch it for the last 3 weeks (or 4? idk).

Rob Down Jr played in it, too. Haven't watched two movies one day after the other with the same actor playing in it.

Lol, Obama has a deep voice.

I had fun toying with paint.NET .

I mean, his voice is deeper than I remember.

Anyway, it's painful to type with mah left middle finger. Yay for volleyball outside in the heat where I got dizzy and my sight was blinded by stars and general brightness and the fact that the ball hit me too hard on my hand, yaay~ :D

There's no purpose on why I'm writing here. Except for the fact that I want to rant on how I seem to act differently towards other people. ._.

But you see, the title ain't catchy, so no one would be bothered to read this. Not that I'm hoping for anyone to read it. Mostly no one gives a darn about what I write, giving me total freedom to what I want to write about.

So the thing is, I say I believe in equality. People shouldn't be treated differently for any reason (except for when it comes to age. that's a different thing). So when I hang with a particular group of friends, why do I feel like I act differently to them than the other friends I have?

Maybe it's the way they act to me. Maybe it's their different personalities that have an impact on my actions, and I subconsciously act as if I am 'adapting' to their actions, if that makes sense. I have a friend who likes to mock me when I sound stupid, and so I feel dumb around them, but they also teach me how to laugh at myself.

Then there are friends who love sharing their ideas and thoughts and share laughter with me, and I act sensibly and I feel joy around them.

Others like to drag me around and laugh at me. I feel pushed around by them, but they include me in many fun things.

But at times, I just feel like in one of those groups, I have know idea what I'm doing there, when I feel slightly irritated here and then, even though I really hold those people close to me and I don't want to lose them.

I'll have to stand my ground more and not allow them to change me, I suppose. But is that called closed-minded and stubborn?

Look, I don't even know what I'm talking about anymore. I just wish I could be Ardianty wherever I am.

This Blog Smells. + a little bit of WSC.

Joke! Bloggi, I love you, and don't worry if you smell 'cuz you're still my awesome personal blog, anyway. :]]]]

Yes, I haven't lost my mind. Catch?

The weekend. Was awesome. I mean, a few days before April 30th, I was a bit nervous about the whole thing. Debating? Seriously? I suck at debating; i can't think straight when i have to, especially in front of strangers in a serious time like that.

haha, but that was taken care of. i found that i had so little to be nervous of; Scholar's Cup was brilliant. The event got me first thing in the morning where, after the entrance ceremony, they guided us to the multi-purpose hall in Dubai Modern High School (have i told you how big the school was? i wanted to just make the whole campus my jungle and get lost in adventure inside it), where we plopped into arranged seatings and began our writing test.

so i love writing. sue me.

next was the multiple-shoice, scholar's challenge quiz. well, i guessed quite a number. just 87%-ish? small number you see.

but i've got a medal for 4th place on science, i'm so proud! :F

then the debating. like i've said, i sucked so hard. my speeches were too short and i was too quiet and not 'out there'. on our first round, we had these 3 indian year 7-ers. man did they kill us. the practically blew the roof off. still i learnt from them and gained more courage in the second round against Jumeirah College.

We still sucked hard. U:

Then, the scholar's bowl where we used this clicky-thingy.

and the hotel's breakfast was amazing. well, any hotel breakfast that serves scrambled eggs, baked beans and hash brown and milk and porridge are amazing.

any hotel that has multiple restaurants are amazing.

i wanna watch sherlock holmes. tomorrow.

and i love you, i don't know why, but there are people i just wanna say 'i love you' too, even if they won't read this.

where was I?

Not that anyone cared since nearly nobody checks on my blogger, anyway. But it's been a while since I've posted anything on blogger.

Dear Bloggi, I think it's time for a new template. *heart* But that will have to do later.

It's been interesting, lately. Alright, 'interesting' may not be the word but it's still peculiar anyhoo. Been back to UAE, the place where I've grown up in for 4 awesome years. I reunited with mah dear pal Shabrina~ and we had lotsa fun. Played an adventure in IKEA at Marina Mall. Also parted at the final day in an asian restaurant in a bowling place.

Though I felt significantly lonely there. Didn't quite know what was missing. It may not be the right place for me to talk about this (and why should I?) but I cried the first night I stayed there. For what reason, I won't tell, and I don't know.

Then there was the Eyjavjallajokul (I THINK I'VE SPELT IT RIGHT WITHOUT LOOKING!!1!) incident in Iceland. Don't know how that impacts something on me, but it's also a fascinating thing to... observe?

Writing in blogger gives me the chance to write like this. 8]]

And I've been busy with World Scholar's Cup. Gee, it's this time next week I'll be at the airport for the first time without my parents, haha. Though, maybe I'll be okay aside from mingling with hundreds of intelligent and more-capable-of-debating students of the ME and China.

The Motorcycle Diary took me aback with the massive swearings and make-out scenes. The creators of WSC has odd minds.

I feel like watching James Bond with his comrade of British spies. Must be the Iggy effect.

I shouldn't be sorry that I've wasted your time by making you read all this because no one would bother read this boring posts anyway.

I find this good because then I can write anything I want on my blog.

I find this bad because then it shows that I'm a really uninteresting person.

My point? Why, there's no point at all.

it's dead here.

so. where is everyone on blogger? shame really. i know i can't ask people to go on blogger because it really is their own decisions to check on their blog or look at their friends' blog to see what's been happening or something. i know that.

so, today is the first day of the end-of-term holiday of term 2. and i am bored to tears. literally. OTL

i suppose when i'm bored i think about things that make me sad. so i should stop being bored and start being brilliant. OAO; that is so easy for one to say.

and and i'm going to Abu Dhabi on the 9th. : D i hope it'll be an awesome trip. i really want something magical to happen this holiday. well, i hope magical things will happen anytime. maybe when i least expect it?

i don't know why but when I write on my blog i feel like i'm rumbling about nonsense and i can't get straight to my point.

DU DU DU COLDPLAY COLDPLAY COLDPLAY COLD--

yeah, and i still have to study for WSC and start writing the notes but how and where should i start?

DU RA RA RA~

Yes, Orihara Izaya will own your cell phones and stomp them into little pieces. It's true.

...

this is probably the reason why i don't get so many comments on my posts.

I'd like to go to a water-park. Or go hiking in a forest. I just have to do something; something thrilling and fantastic and something memorable. I'd like to travel the world, the galaxies and sail the oceans and the seas. I just have to do something.

I feel down, but I know I shouldn't. Like the post two posts before, BS told me I shouldn't be so down. And I know I shouldn't. Who am I to feel sad, when I've got a bed, food and family? I always told myself I can do it--push on, sail forwards.

I may sound like my sister now, but it's just in my nature okay? I respect that people care about the happiness of other people, and mind you I will be happy soon enough. I'll push away all the negative thoughts and feelings and make my own life awesome. I'd change myself if I have to.

Just, once in a while, can I just allow myself to feel sad at the smallest things in life?

---

The answer is 'no'. :) I'm proud to say that for myself.

contradicting, ya3nii.

this post will contradict a sufficient amount to the post i wrote before. :D

because, this week i felt proud of myself. though i really don't know why. maybe because of WSC? because it's enviro-week? well. i just feel very content and blessed right now, even if i have 2 hours to sleep and i haven't completed my homeworks. :D

i suppose, it's because of -get ready for some more sappiness, folks- i'm definite i'm being loved right now. it may not be from a guy i seem to stupidly, uselessly fancy or anything, but hey, when you have true family and friends, who needs a meaningless smile from a boy (or girl, if any guy is reading this) you like? :)

yeah, i might be just saying that because i don't have a bf (and mind you, i don't want one right now, though it will be nice to know that he likes me back though we won't be dating. ever.), but i'm just saying it's true. nothing comes in first than platonic and pure family love, and you know that you have support wherever and whoever you are. :D

i was feeling a tad (but seriously not too much) low on self-esteem today in the morning, idk why, and i watched as people passed by, figure after figure, faces after faces. i thought 'out of billions of people and creatures on this earth, i was put as ardianty. not popular or highly-attractive, unable to cook, not athletic and not perfect in every single shape or form.'

then i looked at another person. she was very nice, beautiful, kind and smart and athletic. but, even then, i realised, i did not want to be her at all. sure, i have role-models and people who triggers me to keep going and reach a further limit. but i'm ardianty. i know i'm incredible at some fields, and so are you. and so is everyone.

and i'd rather be me, carrying out my own story, than being some popular girl any other day. :)

a sprinkle of confusion

"You are a once-in-a-lifetime,

Never-before-on-Earth,

Never-to-be-again personality.

Understand the importance of that."

-Ruth Vaughn

Snagged from 'The 6 Most Imporant Decisions You'll Ever Make' again. I fail so bad OTL. But we'll come back to this later on, so, let's start off with positive notes.

Yesterday I had guitar lesson and it was brilliant. :D The teacher said I'll be skipping a few this-and-that and get into more (but hopefully not too complicated) forward subjects early. Huzzah! Oh, and I was picked for the World Scholars Cup debate thingy for Dubai. I'm really excited, but I can't help wonder if I'll be fine. I'm not a very debative person. And whoa, the materials we have to research are unbelievable. The Missing Link? The formation of the moon theory? It's splendid, but... :/ Still, I think, maybe I'll survive. I'm going mostly for the sights and the 4* star hotel, whee~ :D /I SUCK.

I wanna go to England next year, hoho. D8

And, it's Environmental Week this week, and I don't think I've done much to save the environment which I claim that I love oh-so-very-much. I'm sorry, rainforests. I really, really do love you. D: I'll have to love you more if I'm gonna start making big changes though. u__u;

---

Isn't it amazing, that no one over the past thousands of years, has the same personality? Ever? Sure, there are those who are very similar, share the same interests, dislike the same subjects, but there will always be something different about any soul wandering around the earth, past or present.

But that's just a bit of the point I'm trying to make. The thing is, I've been wondering if I've ever been myself. Or, maybe I have just been acting completely different at different places at different times that I have no idea who myself is anymore. Am I the dreamer I 'claim' to be or the angry brat who sulks at home?

Okay, well I don't sulk often. Maybe I do but I push that away, even though it gets too me so bad that at times I'd like to cry. Though the littlest things, I shouldn't allow to ruin my life. But I don't sulk at the smallest things either. Well, except for piano, cuz I always hate being dragged to lessons when I haven't practiced enough or feel very tired *WHICHISEVERYWEEK* orz.

It's just that, if I'm only 'ardianty' why is it that i feel like i have to act differently all the time? maybe it's the fact that i'm insecure of who i am? this post may be exaggerative, but i'm merely blurting out my thoughts.

sometimes, i admire 'B' and Jana. They could act a little over the top, but I wish I could just be free to speak my thoughts whenever I want to, and not care what anyone else would think of me.

Sometimes, I wonder, if I were to always show my 'inner-self', would I still have the friends I have now? Or not?

the cure 1995

like fikar, i'm also doing a movie review. because this is one movie you won't like to miss.

Today, I decided to watch The Cure, because a few days ago I read a short preview of this movie on the Time Out section in Gulf Times. I thought it would be a very moving piece, filled with friendship, smiles, adventures and of course, tears. And I was right.

The movie revolves around probably a fourteen year old boy named Eric (Brad Renfro), an adventurous rebel who has no companion whatsoever and lives under the care of a rather abusive, work-aholic mother. A few days into the summer vacation, he was plunged into a rather awkward conversation with the boy next door, Dexter (Joseph Mazello). At first, Eric didn't at all like Dexter, but a couple of days passed and soon he climbed over the fence to meet this curious boy.

Dexter, who was pretty meek and small for a boy of eleven years of age, explained he had AIDs. As the two boys developed a brotherly bond over the weeks, Eric decides that both of them should work together to find the cure. After many failed attempts and a nearly-poisoned patient, there were news of a doctor who had found the treatment for AIDs. And Eric's suggestion? That they both float down the Mississippi River to New Orleans, of course.

The rest I wouldn't like to say because you find out for yourself how it ends.

For me, this movie really depicts the life of two brother-like boys and captures the sensitivity of the young male. It shows how strong a bond could be, and that family is more than just a matter of being blood-related or not.

Overall, I'd give it a B+, or an A- even. Watch it before you disagree, I'm just merely stating opinions and dabbing my eyes with tissues.

it is monday, today.

well, duh. and for the past 3 days i've been devouring a 'guide to life' book from Sean Covey called 'the 6 most important decisions you'll ever make'. it's hilarious and inspiring and utterly helpful, i tell you.

there was one chapter which is all about self-worth. i find this rather important because really, people could feel really down and under-appreciated at times. and it is a matter of how other people sees you and how you see yourself. when i look in the mirror i see, quite admittedly, a not-so-much attractive girl, and do i let that bug me?

yes. yes, it bugs me so that i can't make full eye-contacts even with my friends. but above all, i see potential. not only in my appearance but also inside, even if i'm not a wholly good person inside, because i know i'm not.

but then, everyone knows beauty doesn't come from the outside. not most of the time, anyway. sure, appearance is something, but it's not everything.

here are some quick beauty tips, and i recommend that even if you're a guy, you'll read this too (fat chance since no guy *well maybe jeeday or fikarhe, once or twice* reads my blog. ever.) :

Beauty Tips by Sam Levenson

For attractive lips,

speak words of kindness.

For lovely eyes,

seek out the good in people.

For a slim figure,

share your food with the hungry.

For a beautiful hair,

let a child run his or her fingers through it once a day.

For poise

walk with knowledge that you'll never walk alone.

People, even more than things, have to be restored,

Renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed;

Never throw anybody out.

The beauty of a woman is not the clothes she wears,

The figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair.

The beauty of a woman must be seen from in her eyes,

Because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides.

---

i fell in love with the poem the first time i read it. i tell you, Sean Covey and Sam Levenson are some awesome authors.

the hilarity of silence.

i wonder what's been happening for a while? :D i decay, i've been on an okay mood lately, so i suppose nothing bad happened.

well, let's just start off with the title. why is silence funny? well, nothing is funny about having to keep quiet of course, but there was a funny tale my geo teacher told us of his parents when they were sort of 'dating'.

they were on a boat race in Scotland, you see, and suddenly my teacher's father just laughed and laughed. it was the first time for him to meet his girlfriend's parents and so far, not a good impression. after a while, when they finally got him to calm down they asked him to explain what happened. then my teacher's father (who was absolutely English and not Scottish unlike his wife and her parents) was like:

"Did'cha see that boat over there?! It's name was We Shiit!"

I'm not joking. that's what he said. of course, he explained to us that in Scottish, 'weesht' means 'quiet' or 'silence'. so it's perfectly understandable for foreigners to mistake the pronounciation. :D

/STILL I'M PRETTY SURE IT WAS JUST ANOTHER EXCUSE FOR THE -SCOTTISH- TEACHER(S) AND THE STUDENTS TO SWEAR IN CLASS. MAYBE?/

no, of course not, but i still find it hilarious. XD it's the closest i've got to hear a teacher imply and say a full swear word.

my guitar teacher said my name sounds italian. idk, but that's the second time someone said it, the first one coming from this British author. :/

and just before i go, i'd like to present you with this ever-so-precious video my sister found on the net.

Ukulele kid brought a smile on my face so wide that my jaws hurt. :) Enjoy this please, and smile along.

---

Thank you for faith, hope and love. thank you for friendship, trust and laughter. for music, art and serenity, and serendipity. thank you for hot chocolate and smiles.

---

I'm just feeling very awesome tonight. :)

The Musafir

The harsh wind of the desert summoned whirlwinds of sand up in the air. In the distance, the sun glowered mercilessly upon the earth, its brilliant rays breaking the horizon. Dunes after dunes adorned the bare land like waves on a sea of sand. There seemed to be no soul roaming on this desert—only the sun, sky and golden sand.

A lone tree stood in the middle of this empty land, being the only beacon amongst an endless field of nothingness. It arched elegantly on its side, casting a wide and cool shadow underneath it. For Musafirs of the desert, this beacon was a sanctuary. It provided them a temporary home and shelter from the sweltering Arabian sun. Small lizards and animals create themselves a dwelling at the roots of this tree, leaving only in search of food which appears scarcely in the middle of the desert.

Beneath this beacon, a man rests with his horse. He was a Musafir—a traveler of the desert. His face was carved with wrinkles and creases, etched with lines of wisdom. The Musafir’s eyes were of a dull grey colour, their whites turning a slight shade of yellow. The man, though aged, was strong. He was powerful and prevailing—facing the dangers of the desert bravely, confident nothing can shatter his old figure.

And he was about to have the world in his hands.

It was actually a dark dream he kept concealed in his mind since he was young. To be a small nomad, who would someday achieve the highest throne in the world. He would sail all the oceans and the seven seas; climb all the mountains there were to mount and shape the world to his desire. There would be no more wars, nor crimes. The hungry would be well-fed and sought after. All will follow his will, and his wishes will be granted.

But, alas, the traveler knew it wasn’t possible. Perhaps if he was to rule the world, he himself would soil his own heart. He might become too selfish and greedy, and throw aside all of the good deeds he would have done. He would become the monster he once feared to be. He shook his head, dejected. It was a dark dream indeed.

The Musafir waited in silence as he watched the sun set lower below the horizon. The sky was forming an awe-inspiring ribbon of colours from yellow to pink to violet. He could rule the world if he wanted to, but now he won’t. The world, he believed, should be left as it is. No matter how many wars or hardships there are right now, he somehow knew that, maybe, this was how it was meant to be.

He heaved himself up with a grunt and mounted his horse. With a last look at the sunset, he took off with his horse, dashing forwards to nowhere, and let the dust and sand bury the footprints of the Musafir.

---

An entry I did for the World Book Day writing House competition. It was 498 words, I think. I know winning isn't everything, but if I do win then alhamdulillah for me and Oasis. :] Forgive if you think it's crappy, but I did try to slip in this thought I've been pondering about for quite a few days about having a chance to 'take over the world'.

I hope you enjoyed it! :D

the masochistic, sushi dream.

Gosh, I feel like I've changed the viewpoint of my life drastically this year.

I feel so .____. these days. But well, let's start off with happy things like my posts usually do.

Yesterday I went to Sushiminto, this japanese restaurant across Jarir bookstore. It wasn't bad actually; the tempuras are delicious. And so are the sushis. It actually sorta filled me up, even though I sort of cried just before we went out to eat there.

After that we went to Jarir, and I bought a National Geographic magazine. Dad told me to buy this mystery novel he read when he was small by Agatha Christie. It was old; around 1970-ish. I was like 'But the English is so old, Dad, I might not be able to understand it, no offence! D8'

But he said Agatha Christie was one of his favourite authors when he was younger. Of course, he read the Indonesian translation, so I don't know if it was hard for him or not. :/

But I find the older English cute. They say 'I shan't' and 'I say, my dear girl' and stuffs. The main character is called Sir Stafford Nye. Cute name, eh? :D Sir.

---

I've been thinking lately, after I had this very vivid but strange dream two days ago. I dreamt of UFOs and snow, and searching for a real jet-plane behind bookshelves. I dreamt of walking for less than a mile on so on disabled legs, thinking it was possible.

Waking up from these dreams I thought, 'Wow, that felt so real. And silly. But nice.'

And you know what? I came to realise I love those dreams. For me, I think dreams are visions of the impossible you create in your sleep. And then when you think deeper, you could find that they are possible to bring to life.

Now I talked about this to one of my friends yesterday and she said she had no interest. It offended me a little [alright, so it was one of the reasons which made me cry. why? more will be explained later, maybe], but i realised that not everyone is a dreamer.

that's not a bad thing, really. they live in reality.

but if you are reading this, i wish for you to comment below and state what you think about dreams. D: If that's okay.

---

The third part to this post:

here are somethings that bug me these days, and it makes me want to break down thinking about it:

- i'm not allowed to draw freely anymore.

- no one seem to care much about what i say.

- i haven't, maybe, found that right person who'll understand me.

and then my sister is says, "If being on MSN makes you cry, then stop it. I mean, I was in your phase once--being on computer 24/7 (which is a slight exaggeration)--but someday, you'll realise that even if you communicate online, you'll just get lonelier keeping in touch with people virtually. If you want to talk, talk face-to-face; it feels much better than virtual talking."

She had a point, and then I remembered to tell myself that I go on, mostly because i feel like i'm waiting for somebody, which is really useless and time-consuming.

and the thing about the 'not being able to draw freely anymore'. Well, I know, people have told me this last year, but I carried on anyway. I was ignorant, or I forgot. Then one day I read in BS's blog and BAM--my face fell when I was reminded.

We're not allowed, according to our religion, to draw some living things. Like humans. And animals.

I asked an ustadhz about this and even though he tried to make things better, i still cried.

for me, art, even if my people seem anime-ish, fills a bit of my life. i can't draw emotions if there are no people in the picture. it's possible, yes, but i just don't...

and when i pick up a pencil and look at my sketch pad, something tells me not to draw. i listen to music, receive inspiration and then i still deprive myself from drawing.

you may think 'it's just drawing. it really is not that bad; i can live without pictures or drawings.'

but if you were me, you'd cry.

---

Sorry for the exaggeration in this post. I feel so guilty, having been living on drawing for most of my life. I never knew it was this important in Islam. I think about it and then I feel so sad and depressed. Astaghfirullah.

I do make a big deal out of the littlest things, and I do think that everyone should have a 'FRAGILE: HANDLE WITH CARE' sign etched on their hearts.

Because no matter how you look at it, there's always something that can shatter even the strongest person on Earth.

happy belated birthday, i miss you.

the title will be explained later, (as usual these days), but right now I want to write about my thursday.

well, my thursday was pretty darn good, actually. it was the best thursday i've had in a while--lots of laughter and smiles and friends and all that. english was a relaxing lesson. we made bookmarks so we can sell it for charity in this world book week later on. :'D

Okay, I can't think of a plot to write for that short story.

It will come, hopefully. -_____-

ICT with mr. johnson was... nice. we began the lesson with him scaring the shoes off me, then it was a real blast coming to the near end of the lesson.

oh, and since we were learning about databases, there was this very weird conversation pratiwi or farahana had with mr. j:

Mr J: Alright, so what other field could we keep inside the database?

P/F: We could keep the gender of the students in this school?

Mr J: That's right... Apparently, we're still trying to figure out Mr Sutcliffe's gender, so...

...

I sense a bit of platonic bromance between Mr. J and Mr. S. *TOENGTOENGTOENGOETOEGN* *GETS SHOT*

I passed the day with a long nap then woke up to be ushered out of my bed by my mom. We were going to this ngaji thing and there was Ocha, Fikar, Nadhira, Nadia, the Ghozalis and others.

It was a blast playing with Felix.

It was awesome to be hanging out with pals late at night and studying about Grace from God. :'D

Thanks for making my day, by the way, if you're reading this. But then no one does read my blog unless they were told to or if it's on a very rare occasion. But a girl can hope, right.

---

23rd of February. That was how belated I am.

Grandma, I miss you so much. I'm sorry I forgot it was your birthday until the next day afterwards. I cried a bit when I found that out, but I know I shouldn't. You wouldn't want me to cry for you right? I love you so much.

If you were still here, I'd call you then and tell you 'happy birthday'. of all these times, I never looked forward to speaking much over the phone with you, but now that you're in a very deep sleep, i'm grateful for all those reluctant talks a thousand miles apart.

i hope i'll see you later.

i love you.

laugh at my blondness, plz.

1 [] Gum has fallen out of your mouth when you were talking
2 [x]Gum has fallen out of your mouth when you were NOT talking
3 [] You have ran into a glass/screen door
4 [] You have jumped out of a moving vehicle.
5 [x] You have thought of something funny and laughed, then people gave you weird looks
6 [] You have ran into a tree
7 [x] Tried to lick your elbow.
8 [x] Forgot where u were
9 [] You never knew that the Alphabet and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star had the same rhythm
10 [] you have swore in front of your parents
11 [x] You have tripped over yourself
12 [x] You have choked on your own spit
13 [ ] You have seen the the Matrix and still don't get it. or sorta get it but not that much
14 [x] You didn't notice that in the last question 'the' was spelled twice
15 [x]You just looked at it
16 [ ]Your natural hair colour is blonde
17 [x] People have called you slow A LOT! or more than 10 times
18 [] You have accidentally caught something on fire
19 [x] You tried to drink out of a straw, but it went into your nose/eyes
20 [x] You sometimes drool for no reason
21 [] You've fallen asleep in a laundry basket
22 [] Sometimes you just stop thinking
23 [] You are telling a story and forget what you were talking about
24 [] People are often shaking their heads and walk away from you
25 []You are often told to use your 'inside voice' A LOT
26 [x] You use your fingers to do simple math
27 [] You have eaten a bug
28 [x]You are taking this test when you should be doing something important.
29 [x] You have put your clothes on backwards or inside out, and didn't realize it
30 [x] You've looked all over for something and realized it was in your hand or pocket
31 [x] You forget things right after someone says them
32 []You break a lot of things
33 [] Friends know not to use big words around you
34 [x] You sometimes tilt your head when you're confused
35 [x] You have fallen off your chair before
36 [] When you're laying in bed, you try to find pictures in the texture of the ceiling/wall.
37 [x]The word 'umm' is used many times in your day
38 [x] You called a friend and then completely forgot what you were gonna say
39 [x] You have spelled your name wrong [WHEN I WAS 8. >8U]
40 [x] You have drawn a lop sided heart

---

Snagged from my luhvly Kamilia's blog :] *AND YES I MENTIONED YOU HERE TAKE THAT*. I started laughing when I read the first two answers.

GO FIKARE.

I really don't know what to write about, though I want to write because I feel sort of... mixed up. -___-

I woke up in the morning and the first thing I heard was mom talking on her mobile, saying something about someone who passed away. I was a bit scared it would've been my relatives. But it wasn't so, alhamdulillah.

School wasn't bad, actually. I had lots of laughs in science and maths. The noise the oscilloscope makes sounds so sci-fi ish it made us laugh. D8

Here's a random convo me and Nikkaela had in maths:

Me: Have you ever tried screaming beneath the water?
Her: Yeah, it's weird, like I had a very loud inner voice. o.o
Me: Yeah, it's like you could only hear a 'MMMMBLUBLUBMMMMNGGGBLUB'
Her: HAHA. Ever tried talking while gurgling?

*demonstrates*

Me: ...LOLOL YOU SOUND LIKE A STRANGLED CHICKEN.

--end--

At the end of the day, I felt happy because I saw F i k a r e in the sports hall ready to do his entrance test! 8D Huzzah, Fikar! Insyaallah you'll make it Fikar!

That was the main thing that made my day. Yeah, seeing a close friend entering your school gives you the jellybeans. xD

But of course, I felt down afterwards. I don't know why.

It seems like I'm stuck in front of the computer, not because I want to do my homework or go on deviantArt, but because...

I feel like I'm waiting for someone. That's what I look forward to everytime I go on this 7-year-old heck of a machine. But why would that someone come talk to me? Who am I waiting for? I should learn to be idealistic. More careless about these kind of subjects, you know; throw away all hopes, stop waiting if it's not worth waiting for, because I'm just waiting for someone who would never come.

English test tomorrow, and there's that french homework which I barely had finished. Thank you if you bother read this and commented.

20 confessions + a GMH story

Well, I got this from Ocha , and since I couldn't let this opportunity to admit things about myself to my trusted watchers pass, I did this. I wonder who'd bother reading this, anyway. .___.


Alright, so...

1st thing about me is that: I overthink things. I get worried easily, and everytime I do so, I get heartbeats. Sometimes, it's painful to sleep at night because of this.
2. I love it when I make people laugh and be happy.
3. But sometimes, I try too hard, and it sets them off, so I try not to try too hard, but then I still fail at doing so. Because of this, I get self-disappointed a lot.
4. Yeah, I cry easily, but in public I try to hold it in. I'm moody a lot this holiday.
5. I get angry and annoyed when people mistreat me in a mean way, but I hold it in.
6. I love it when people come to me for console and to rant about their feelings.
7. But I'm a bad advisor and I could only listen, agree and give comfort and hugs.
8. I'm somehow paranoid and believe in jinxes.
9. Following number 8, that's why I tend to go 'masyaallah' in my mind or whisper it when someone gives me compliments and I compliment other people.
10. Following number 9, when someone says to me 'you're so nice' and 'you'll never do anything mean ;) ' I get 'jinxy' and sometimes, I actually think of violent things. Of course, I get afraid of myself, so I seek help and assurance.
11. Following number 10, I wanna seek assurance from Allah SWT. The thing is, sometimes I don't have enough willpower, then I break down because of that.
12. I LIKE A BIT OF BROMANCE OKAY? >8U


*COUGH*ENGLAND AND AMERICA*cough*
13. I wish I could be more outgoing.
14. I wish, in the future, I could find someone who could tell me I'm beautiful, even when I'm not from the outside.
15. I wish to be more religious and active and less lazy.
16. I love it when people I know and love add me to conversations or invite me to group meetings and go someplace fun. I love being included :)
17. But a lot of times, I get paranoid, again, and I chicken out of parties because I fear to be lonely.
18. I hate when people use swear words to insult people, but I say swear words in my head
sometimes when I realised I did something wrong.
19. GMHs are better than FMLs.
20. There are more things I'd like to admit about myself but I won't because I'm lazy.


Well, now you know more about me. :]


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*EXTRA* A PERSONAL GMH STORY *EXTRA*


So, yesterday, I had a very plain and rather bad day. I deprived myself from chatting with my friends, and it was rather agonizing to do so. I felt very lonely. We went to Applebees for dinner later on, and when I was still a bit sad, this small family went past our table, the father holding his son's hand.


The son smiled at us, waved and said 'Bye-bye'.


3 year olds who treat strangers like friends GMH. [:

well, you know...

since somehow I had an explosion of watchers on blogger (+5, ain't that great?? 8D), i suppose I can celebrate it with a nice little 'welcome'. : D

alright, so I'm just finding an excuse to blog again. so what.

well, i know lots of people (maybe 1 or 2) have warned me about keeping my feelings to myself or in a diary and not in a blog, because people can easily google up your posts and all. i thought, 'heck, who'd google me up, anyway?' like in the previous post. so i ignored the advice and went my own way because i'm badass like that. . <---not really

but then something happened and i suppose i do need to keep things hush. but that's just the thing:

i blog only when i need to rant about my feelings.

so, folks, if ever i do blog again and my posts come up sappy and exaggerated, that's simply because I'm Ardianty.

and also, i trust you guys. i don't know what for but i trust you bebol. and i felt like saying i trust you guys because i'm naive and i'm ardianty.

and also it's because the people who are watching me right now are currently people i do trust, so, i trust you.

---

So anyway, welcome to my blog, people. :D If you ever feel like you want to be annoyed by oh-so-lame templates and sappy, overdramatic posts, or if you just feel curious, bored or hungry, come read my blog!

Toodle-pips.

it's me, isn't it.

the reason why i like blogging here is that even if it's on internet, it's not like somebody i like would care enough or stalk me or google my blog...

(haha anty, maybe a part of you is hoping for that person to come find this and realise how much they like you. or get creeped out by how much you talk about them)

because one could never care enough. anyway I feel down lately, though there are times when I could laugh.

it's supposed to be a holiday, but I'm not doing much. in fact, I think it's pretty boring and the fact that I'm reminded of homework makes it even more unbearable. but then once I'm in school, I'll probably hope for the holidays again. humans are very hard to satisfy. .____.

I need to get out more often. everyday I'm shunned at home sitting in front of the computer or doodling or whatever, and it's not like anyone even likes my drawings on deviantart. i shouldn't blame them. i really am not an artist, but i really... really hope that I could be one in the future *goes oh so dramatic*.

my two most recent arts are done with watercolours wheeeee but they fail. xDD I need to know how to make effects with watercolours. ohya, i made an art of the vancouver snow olympics, not that you'll care, but.... I think it's pretty good, yo? D8 well, in my opinion, since it's one of the few times (actually it IS my first time) to paint characters and all.

GO CANADA. GO QUATCHI. GO SUMI. GO MIGA. and Mukmuk. and the rest of the countries participating of course. xDD

but yaa, i'm cheering for Canada. Thanks to Hetalia, I'm starting to appreciate the countries more. OwO

canadacanadacanadacanadaENGLANDxAMERICAcanadacanadaENGLANDENGLANDcanadaAMERIC-- *gets shot*

Darn, this is probably one of the things that annoy people most about me.

I ramble on about rubbish. <--- (yay colourful rubbish!)

as in, subjects they don't even give a shoe about. D:

I can't help it, you know, it's me. and it's not like I'm doing any harm, right? it's in my nature to ramble off on msn or online. you ask me a question or want me to reply, i do; you never tell me how much of a reply you wanna get.

and it's probably my speech and stuff that bores people out. like lufi and rajaf.

several weeks ago, i was able to make lufi laugh.

several weeks ago, he came to me and said 'make me laugh :P'

a few weeks ago, we joked about creating our own group on boredomness and procrastination.

now we rarely talk. he comes to me first, but never really show much interest.

i'm just a girl he comes to talk to when he's bored, and even then, maybe he knows our conversations won't be as great as before. i wanna slap him across the face for opening a chat with me and then not showing much interest. and when he says 'oh, i'm just waiting for her to go on', i half-wished she would. take him away from me, i don't care. i don't want awkward conversations.

but at the same time, it sort of kills me inside that we can't last long, and we were almost friends.

anyway, the other thing that made me see myself as annoying is rajaf. yeah, he opened chats with me. I think today was the fifth time (and yeah, i counted >8U Sue me, I still have a bit of feelings for him).i've been hoping for another conversation, and bam, he opened one.

but it wasn't the same as the other four.

i think i may have bored him out as well, even though i could safely say i was chatting the same way as i did before. actually, i could safely say that I try to make sure i treat and chat to everyone the same, online or not, friend or crush or enemy.

i try to make sure; that doesn't mean i definitely treat everyone equally, whether I realised it or not.

i wonder afterwards if i could find a guy mate later on in life or not. -_____- surely God had already assigned a life mate for all of us in the future life right? those who are like us, like a mirror image and all...

then, maybe, those who are single in life are probably too unique to find themselves a partner. ah well, i be ber-syukur if i don't find a 'partner' or not later, anyway, but insyaallah. :D

wth i'm only 12 i should get a grip and stop fretting about this.

well. i think that's it.

anty off.

btw, is liking 2 guys healthy? i mean, it's not like those 2 are gonna like me back or whatever, and i'm stuck in the middle of deciding whether i actually do like them or not D8.