it's me, isn't it.

the reason why i like blogging here is that even if it's on internet, it's not like somebody i like would care enough or stalk me or google my blog...

(haha anty, maybe a part of you is hoping for that person to come find this and realise how much they like you. or get creeped out by how much you talk about them)

because one could never care enough. anyway I feel down lately, though there are times when I could laugh.

it's supposed to be a holiday, but I'm not doing much. in fact, I think it's pretty boring and the fact that I'm reminded of homework makes it even more unbearable. but then once I'm in school, I'll probably hope for the holidays again. humans are very hard to satisfy. .____.

I need to get out more often. everyday I'm shunned at home sitting in front of the computer or doodling or whatever, and it's not like anyone even likes my drawings on deviantart. i shouldn't blame them. i really am not an artist, but i really... really hope that I could be one in the future *goes oh so dramatic*.

my two most recent arts are done with watercolours wheeeee but they fail. xDD I need to know how to make effects with watercolours. ohya, i made an art of the vancouver snow olympics, not that you'll care, but.... I think it's pretty good, yo? D8 well, in my opinion, since it's one of the few times (actually it IS my first time) to paint characters and all.

GO CANADA. GO QUATCHI. GO SUMI. GO MIGA. and Mukmuk. and the rest of the countries participating of course. xDD

but yaa, i'm cheering for Canada. Thanks to Hetalia, I'm starting to appreciate the countries more. OwO

canadacanadacanadacanadaENGLANDxAMERICAcanadacanadaENGLANDENGLANDcanadaAMERIC-- *gets shot*

Darn, this is probably one of the things that annoy people most about me.

I ramble on about rubbish. <--- (yay colourful rubbish!)

as in, subjects they don't even give a shoe about. D:

I can't help it, you know, it's me. and it's not like I'm doing any harm, right? it's in my nature to ramble off on msn or online. you ask me a question or want me to reply, i do; you never tell me how much of a reply you wanna get.

and it's probably my speech and stuff that bores people out. like lufi and rajaf.

several weeks ago, i was able to make lufi laugh.

several weeks ago, he came to me and said 'make me laugh :P'

a few weeks ago, we joked about creating our own group on boredomness and procrastination.

now we rarely talk. he comes to me first, but never really show much interest.

i'm just a girl he comes to talk to when he's bored, and even then, maybe he knows our conversations won't be as great as before. i wanna slap him across the face for opening a chat with me and then not showing much interest. and when he says 'oh, i'm just waiting for her to go on', i half-wished she would. take him away from me, i don't care. i don't want awkward conversations.

but at the same time, it sort of kills me inside that we can't last long, and we were almost friends.

anyway, the other thing that made me see myself as annoying is rajaf. yeah, he opened chats with me. I think today was the fifth time (and yeah, i counted >8U Sue me, I still have a bit of feelings for him).i've been hoping for another conversation, and bam, he opened one.

but it wasn't the same as the other four.

i think i may have bored him out as well, even though i could safely say i was chatting the same way as i did before. actually, i could safely say that I try to make sure i treat and chat to everyone the same, online or not, friend or crush or enemy.

i try to make sure; that doesn't mean i definitely treat everyone equally, whether I realised it or not.

i wonder afterwards if i could find a guy mate later on in life or not. -_____- surely God had already assigned a life mate for all of us in the future life right? those who are like us, like a mirror image and all...

then, maybe, those who are single in life are probably too unique to find themselves a partner. ah well, i be ber-syukur if i don't find a 'partner' or not later, anyway, but insyaallah. :D

wth i'm only 12 i should get a grip and stop fretting about this.

well. i think that's it.

anty off.

btw, is liking 2 guys healthy? i mean, it's not like those 2 are gonna like me back or whatever, and i'm stuck in the middle of deciding whether i actually do like them or not D8.