HMM WELL.

There's just this gaping hole in me that I do not know how to fill.

Hey there. :D I dunno, I feel like ranting these days. I feel like I'm seeing my life in a whole different viewpoint as I did last year. Things are very... Well, I can't say tough, and I can't say it's boring either.

I always wonder what happened. I feel so moody lately, oh oh. I feel like it's school. My social life in school. I still think I can't get the hang of what we're talking about at school but I think I'm getting better there. xD But that's just it. I turn to my friends hoping for that 'hole' to be filled, and they do fill it. But then afterwards, it feels emptier inside.

But love? xD How, in the world, would love fill that sack of air? I mean, I'm only 12. Sure, I feel a bit useless now and then when someone I happen to be STUPIDLY crushing on (yes I think loving the opposite gender at this age is stupid no matter how many times I did that (LOLIREMEMBER'RAJAF')) dont find the need to talk to me one-to-one anymore, or somehow I blabber on too much and seem to annoy the heck outta him on MSN, or quite simply, find out he was just simply misleading and I didnt quite understand how I felt then and there.

And, I am happy for him and his 'her', but why date at such a young age?

I mean, I know, at times I wonder what it would feel like to have a boyfriend and fall deeply in love with someone. It's a nice feeling. x))

But even if I do find that someone I like actually likes me back at this stage of my life, how am I supposed to react?

NOT THAT I WANT TO HAVE A SOMEONE RIGHT NOW cuz it is very unlikely someone I know NOW will be that 'someone' later, but THAT IS NOT THE POINT.

The point is that it is not love that will fill that hole, because no matter how happy I feel or how many heartbeats I get when someone I 'like' talks to me, it just gets me a little bit more sad at this stage. :/

SO MOVING ON -AGAIN-, TODAY, we had this school olympic thingie and I went to the 3-legged-race (me and pratiwi won for Oasis YAY), the card-dart-board-thingie (I SCORED LOTS YAY) and the horse shoe blah (SCORED 8D ). Piwi was very good at the hoops. Also, I tried the wheelbarrel thingy with Ocha. WE FAILED. XD I can't count how many times we fell in that race. I laughed so hard I barely had the strength to lift Ocha's legs up (Not that Ocha was even bothered to walk with her hands. She dragged herself with her elbow all the way which made me LOL XD XD ).

Yesterday, I went to my first guitar lesson. The teacher was really nice. :'D 'Nuff said.

MOVING BACK TO THE ICKY SUBJECT OF ROMANCE (haha, in nursery we used to find love disgusting XD ), what if I said Rajaf opened a chat with me yesterday and asked me many questions and I happened to be ENJOYING it, much to my surprise. D8

Oh and I DON'T LIKE LUFI ANYMORE not just because he has a girlfriend, but because now he doesnt need to talk to me anymore and I do not make him laugh. Well I still like him. As a friend.

*phew* I'm kinda glad my feelings for him is over. And I'm sorta glad I came to the end of this post.

I can bet you're glad for finishing this off, too. xD Ah well, toodles~