where was I?

Not that anyone cared since nearly nobody checks on my blogger, anyway. But it's been a while since I've posted anything on blogger.

Dear Bloggi, I think it's time for a new template. *heart* But that will have to do later.

It's been interesting, lately. Alright, 'interesting' may not be the word but it's still peculiar anyhoo. Been back to UAE, the place where I've grown up in for 4 awesome years. I reunited with mah dear pal Shabrina~ and we had lotsa fun. Played an adventure in IKEA at Marina Mall. Also parted at the final day in an asian restaurant in a bowling place.

Though I felt significantly lonely there. Didn't quite know what was missing. It may not be the right place for me to talk about this (and why should I?) but I cried the first night I stayed there. For what reason, I won't tell, and I don't know.

Then there was the Eyjavjallajokul (I THINK I'VE SPELT IT RIGHT WITHOUT LOOKING!!1!) incident in Iceland. Don't know how that impacts something on me, but it's also a fascinating thing to... observe?

Writing in blogger gives me the chance to write like this. 8]]

And I've been busy with World Scholar's Cup. Gee, it's this time next week I'll be at the airport for the first time without my parents, haha. Though, maybe I'll be okay aside from mingling with hundreds of intelligent and more-capable-of-debating students of the ME and China.

The Motorcycle Diary took me aback with the massive swearings and make-out scenes. The creators of WSC has odd minds.

I feel like watching James Bond with his comrade of British spies. Must be the Iggy effect.

I shouldn't be sorry that I've wasted your time by making you read all this because no one would bother read this boring posts anyway.

I find this good because then I can write anything I want on my blog.

I find this bad because then it shows that I'm a really uninteresting person.

My point? Why, there's no point at all.

it's dead here.

so. where is everyone on blogger? shame really. i know i can't ask people to go on blogger because it really is their own decisions to check on their blog or look at their friends' blog to see what's been happening or something. i know that.

so, today is the first day of the end-of-term holiday of term 2. and i am bored to tears. literally. OTL

i suppose when i'm bored i think about things that make me sad. so i should stop being bored and start being brilliant. OAO; that is so easy for one to say.

and and i'm going to Abu Dhabi on the 9th. : D i hope it'll be an awesome trip. i really want something magical to happen this holiday. well, i hope magical things will happen anytime. maybe when i least expect it?

i don't know why but when I write on my blog i feel like i'm rumbling about nonsense and i can't get straight to my point.

DU DU DU COLDPLAY COLDPLAY COLDPLAY COLD--

yeah, and i still have to study for WSC and start writing the notes but how and where should i start?

DU RA RA RA~

Yes, Orihara Izaya will own your cell phones and stomp them into little pieces. It's true.

...

this is probably the reason why i don't get so many comments on my posts.

I'd like to go to a water-park. Or go hiking in a forest. I just have to do something; something thrilling and fantastic and something memorable. I'd like to travel the world, the galaxies and sail the oceans and the seas. I just have to do something.

I feel down, but I know I shouldn't. Like the post two posts before, BS told me I shouldn't be so down. And I know I shouldn't. Who am I to feel sad, when I've got a bed, food and family? I always told myself I can do it--push on, sail forwards.

I may sound like my sister now, but it's just in my nature okay? I respect that people care about the happiness of other people, and mind you I will be happy soon enough. I'll push away all the negative thoughts and feelings and make my own life awesome. I'd change myself if I have to.

Just, once in a while, can I just allow myself to feel sad at the smallest things in life?

---

The answer is 'no'. :) I'm proud to say that for myself.

contradicting, ya3nii.

this post will contradict a sufficient amount to the post i wrote before. :D

because, this week i felt proud of myself. though i really don't know why. maybe because of WSC? because it's enviro-week? well. i just feel very content and blessed right now, even if i have 2 hours to sleep and i haven't completed my homeworks. :D

i suppose, it's because of -get ready for some more sappiness, folks- i'm definite i'm being loved right now. it may not be from a guy i seem to stupidly, uselessly fancy or anything, but hey, when you have true family and friends, who needs a meaningless smile from a boy (or girl, if any guy is reading this) you like? :)

yeah, i might be just saying that because i don't have a bf (and mind you, i don't want one right now, though it will be nice to know that he likes me back though we won't be dating. ever.), but i'm just saying it's true. nothing comes in first than platonic and pure family love, and you know that you have support wherever and whoever you are. :D

i was feeling a tad (but seriously not too much) low on self-esteem today in the morning, idk why, and i watched as people passed by, figure after figure, faces after faces. i thought 'out of billions of people and creatures on this earth, i was put as ardianty. not popular or highly-attractive, unable to cook, not athletic and not perfect in every single shape or form.'

then i looked at another person. she was very nice, beautiful, kind and smart and athletic. but, even then, i realised, i did not want to be her at all. sure, i have role-models and people who triggers me to keep going and reach a further limit. but i'm ardianty. i know i'm incredible at some fields, and so are you. and so is everyone.

and i'd rather be me, carrying out my own story, than being some popular girl any other day. :)

a sprinkle of confusion

"You are a once-in-a-lifetime,

Never-before-on-Earth,

Never-to-be-again personality.

Understand the importance of that."

-Ruth Vaughn

Snagged from 'The 6 Most Imporant Decisions You'll Ever Make' again. I fail so bad OTL. But we'll come back to this later on, so, let's start off with positive notes.

Yesterday I had guitar lesson and it was brilliant. :D The teacher said I'll be skipping a few this-and-that and get into more (but hopefully not too complicated) forward subjects early. Huzzah! Oh, and I was picked for the World Scholars Cup debate thingy for Dubai. I'm really excited, but I can't help wonder if I'll be fine. I'm not a very debative person. And whoa, the materials we have to research are unbelievable. The Missing Link? The formation of the moon theory? It's splendid, but... :/ Still, I think, maybe I'll survive. I'm going mostly for the sights and the 4* star hotel, whee~ :D /I SUCK.

I wanna go to England next year, hoho. D8

And, it's Environmental Week this week, and I don't think I've done much to save the environment which I claim that I love oh-so-very-much. I'm sorry, rainforests. I really, really do love you. D: I'll have to love you more if I'm gonna start making big changes though. u__u;

---

Isn't it amazing, that no one over the past thousands of years, has the same personality? Ever? Sure, there are those who are very similar, share the same interests, dislike the same subjects, but there will always be something different about any soul wandering around the earth, past or present.

But that's just a bit of the point I'm trying to make. The thing is, I've been wondering if I've ever been myself. Or, maybe I have just been acting completely different at different places at different times that I have no idea who myself is anymore. Am I the dreamer I 'claim' to be or the angry brat who sulks at home?

Okay, well I don't sulk often. Maybe I do but I push that away, even though it gets too me so bad that at times I'd like to cry. Though the littlest things, I shouldn't allow to ruin my life. But I don't sulk at the smallest things either. Well, except for piano, cuz I always hate being dragged to lessons when I haven't practiced enough or feel very tired *WHICHISEVERYWEEK* orz.

It's just that, if I'm only 'ardianty' why is it that i feel like i have to act differently all the time? maybe it's the fact that i'm insecure of who i am? this post may be exaggerative, but i'm merely blurting out my thoughts.

sometimes, i admire 'B' and Jana. They could act a little over the top, but I wish I could just be free to speak my thoughts whenever I want to, and not care what anyone else would think of me.

Sometimes, I wonder, if I were to always show my 'inner-self', would I still have the friends I have now? Or not?

the cure 1995

like fikar, i'm also doing a movie review. because this is one movie you won't like to miss.

Today, I decided to watch The Cure, because a few days ago I read a short preview of this movie on the Time Out section in Gulf Times. I thought it would be a very moving piece, filled with friendship, smiles, adventures and of course, tears. And I was right.

The movie revolves around probably a fourteen year old boy named Eric (Brad Renfro), an adventurous rebel who has no companion whatsoever and lives under the care of a rather abusive, work-aholic mother. A few days into the summer vacation, he was plunged into a rather awkward conversation with the boy next door, Dexter (Joseph Mazello). At first, Eric didn't at all like Dexter, but a couple of days passed and soon he climbed over the fence to meet this curious boy.

Dexter, who was pretty meek and small for a boy of eleven years of age, explained he had AIDs. As the two boys developed a brotherly bond over the weeks, Eric decides that both of them should work together to find the cure. After many failed attempts and a nearly-poisoned patient, there were news of a doctor who had found the treatment for AIDs. And Eric's suggestion? That they both float down the Mississippi River to New Orleans, of course.

The rest I wouldn't like to say because you find out for yourself how it ends.

For me, this movie really depicts the life of two brother-like boys and captures the sensitivity of the young male. It shows how strong a bond could be, and that family is more than just a matter of being blood-related or not.

Overall, I'd give it a B+, or an A- even. Watch it before you disagree, I'm just merely stating opinions and dabbing my eyes with tissues.