Brighten your day?

ME?! Yeah , right.

This week passed by like a rollercoaster, it gets confusing, dizzy-ing, tortuous (not torturous) and exciting.

It's confusing because of the inconsistent pattern of the ups-and-downs. It's dizzy-ing because of how many things are happening at once. It's tortuous because.. Well, there are many twists in the way. Then it's exciting, because it seems that everyday I've been having 'heartbeats' because I was hoping for...

Err, alright, so what good stuffs have happened this week? x)) Darn, I can't think of an answer, and even if I do, it will lead back to that ONE SUBJECT I'm trying to avoid.

Haha, I like simple stuffs, kenya believe that?

I mean, this week, somehow I've risen to the peak of my... uhh... affection??? XD XD XD XD WELL, how do I put it in a better way? I haven't been thinking or having this much of a feeling for one person for a long, long time. It feels weird now, gaaah. Especially when you think that there is a possibility that THIS PERSON could be the one who'd make you feel 'special', because he did. Make you feel that way, I meant.

I mean just a few days ago. He kinda proved to me that. I was some sort of a. How should I put it? Well, a 'mood-lifter' or something. I was really happy and you wouldn't believe how grateful I was. Actually, I'd feel really happy if I could make anyone happy.

But for me to make him happy... that just makes me feel a bit more confident inside, yanno. ._.

Simple stuffs; bread, watercolours, ribbons and badges. I don't really get why my sister flocks to the booths of mobile phones in the malls, srsly.

But really, anyone can cheer him up. It's just that I'm afraid of slipping. Drifting away. Even though we've only been like this for what... a week?

I'm so selfish. I'm sorry, 'Rini', if you read this post and think how stupid I am for some reason, but I know how you feel. I always did. D:

Please don't say that he can talk to me freely. A few times he seems like he does, but sometimes, we have awkward conversations.

You should listen to Heaven Can Wait by We The Kings...

Point is, I don't want to stop making him happy. And if he doesn't want to talk to me or decide there is no need to chat with me anymore... I guess I have to be fine with it. Whatever's fine with him. But if he does talk to me, It'll make me really happy. :)

And for Rini and Ruba who said he can talk to me freely--masya Allah--thank you so much for thinking so. But what would happen, will happen, and I guess there's just no way from stopping it.

I also don't make sense when I ramble on too much, so if you understood what I typed in for the last 20 minutes, you're awesome. ;)

Something happy for once.

I've been denying that I liked anyone recently, even though I knew deep down I still have that immature feeling for someone. :) More on this shortly.

Thursday today, I was supposed to be late for school, but when I got there at 7.08, the tutor said I wasn't late at all. Haha, it was weird.

But, I did believe that today was gonna be a good day.

I mean, I realised I'm still very close with a friend I thought I might lose (and hopefully I'd never will, amin), I could laugh until my sides ached and the week went by real fast.

And I see lots of fanarts about USUK, which is awesome.

But the main thing is. Well. Today, my 'simsalabim' opened a chat randomly with me on MSN. When he opened it, I was still denying that I had feelings for him. I remember then the previous night when we had a conversation, with him, Ocha, Jihan, Nadhira, etc. It was fun. We had so much laugh.

I never expected to see a chat window opened from him with just the two of us anytime soon though. I mean we did have nice, personal chats twice. The other two were awkward.

Anyhow, it started with him saying 'Hey!' and 'I'm bored. :P '

Then we talked and talked, had a few pauses here and there. Then it came to a long pause, and I just had to tell a joke I found on dA. I didn't expect his reaction to be big. He typed in:

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahhahahahahahha (goes for 2.3 lines-ish)

You can't believe how much I was going red and I was laughing back. When I asked him why, he said it was literally funny. Then he says, copied and pasted from our chat log directly:

'i jst cnt help it, u found a joke, wer no1 suceeded t make me laugh fr th last 3 months'

now, it might not seem much to you, but it's a lot to me. i'm sure he was exaggerating a bit but... .///. ... I still tried to deny I like him. But later on, when ocha and jihan added us to this group convo, he said he was depressed. I suggested him to eat chocolate. He said good idea. I suggested him to think of things that made him laugh. He said good idea, but it wouldn't work.

Then I said he should try faking a laugh, listen to how silly he sounds, then he'd laugh a real laugh because that's what I do. And he said:

'hahah, rofl. good idea.

ardi, i think i'll talk t u wen i need t chill, u make me laugh :P'

it was then that I realised I had to accept the fact that I still place some hope on him after all. :)

-WUT-

You know, most of the posts I post up here is mostly...

Sad. :/ So, let's just say this is a rant-blog, 'kay? I jsut decided to not post about happy stuffs here. I get inspired to write when I'm down. -__-

Well, firstly, the holiday had been well. In fact, it started off pretty nicely, what with a new guitar and two visits to the Pearl and all. We finished the year with sanlat in Muaither, and I guess you could say everything was perfect.

But then something happened and my face just fell like .___. .

But even before that, something had been bugging me all along.

For example, why is it that me and Dad don't hang around anymore? I find it hard to talk to him. I tried, sorta, by interviewing him with random questions (asking about his interests, of course) and telling about my time in sanlat or whatever. His responses are always very short and quite, often accompanied by a small smile. Then after a minute or so of just me saying how the event went, it was all silence again. I feel like we don't know each other. D:

I fear for him, somehow. Well, for this family's relationship, really. I get along good with Ard and Mom, but with Dad? It's very hard to talk with him. Maybe I'm not trying hard enough. I just couldn't find the right things to say. But I know that Dad is also a quiet person as well.

I guess, if I couldn't ask for him to be a bit more communicative, I'll have to push myself into making us closer, won't I? T___T

It's not as easy as it sounds. Most normal fathers would spend time watching sports with their children or something, or wrestle and chat and laugh. Now, I'm not asking for my dad to change.

I'm just wondering how I could make it a close father-to-daughter relationship without asking for my Dad, nice the way he already is, to change.

SO WHAT IF IT'S 2009?

SERIOUSLY. I've seen a site telling about this incident in China, where 3 kittens were found abused to death and was laid in front of their mother. It was SICK. It was sad, sadistic and inhumane, and I wonder why people do these things. I almost cried.

Even worse were the comments. Yes, most of the comments were positive and saying how we should stop abusing animals like this, but others were negative.

Some even said, "It's just 3 effing kittens, people. Wake up; it's 2009, f***tards."

AND I GO 'WHAT THE FUDGE?'

SO WHAT IF IT'S 2009?! DO THEY THINK THE ABUSES AND MASSACRES HAPPENING RIGHT NOW IS LESS IMPORTANT THAN THOSE IN THE PAST? DO THEY THINK THAT JUST BECAUSE THERE ARE MORE DEATH AND MISTREATMENT CURRENTLY OCCURRING IN THIS WORLD MAKES THE LIVES OF THESE 3 KITTENS AND OTHER BEINGS LESS SPECIAL?

WHO ARE THEY CALLING EFF-TARDS?

I'M SO MAD, I COULD JUST...

Anyway, things are crumbling down on Earth. My family counts as well.

I know I shouldn't post this up in public but it's not like people actually read this blog anyway, so here goes nothing:

My sister suddenly seems so dark to me. She had a fight yesterday with mom and dad about going to the Souq with some of her friends. Mom won't let her of course, because she said she knew what those friends of my sis are like.

But my sister, of course, is stubborn and refuses everything unless it follows her way. So the fight went on and on, and no matter how patient and correct mom's argument was, sis still insists on going to the Souq. Eventually, things get lower and mom began to cry and sis shut herself in her room until she was 20 minutes late for her extra bio lessons in Nisa's house.

Dad let her go, though. So I overheard mom and dad sort of fighting with each other and I began to get scared. But they stopped eventually, and Dad won and let sis go, and my mom cried a bit more. Mom only wanted to protect my sis, I knew that. She had always given her freedom to go everywhere with her friends, and it seems like even one little disagreement could cause my sis to be mad.

So after sis's bio lesson, we took her to the souq, and when she left, she almost forgot to say goodbye and made mom even more upset.

Sometimes I wish my sis would think a bit and be more considerate.

After that we went there again to pick her up and wait there until we have to go to the airport and pick Carisa and Cania's family up. In the Souq, we saw lots of people sheesha-ing; it's like smoking, but it's flavoured with fruits like grapes and strawberry.

At the end. after we ate in a Malaysian restaurant with Indonesian stuffs in it, we stopped by a place selling sheeshas just to see these things up close. Then my sis said, "I sheesha-ed today, you know. With Abid, Sandy and the rest."

I was a bit shocked. Then she continued, "What? It's not my first time, really. I also sheesha-ed once in Hanis's sleepover."

And she looked kinda happy about it. But I was angry.

Sheeshas are supposed to be worse than smoking. In nicotine, in the smoke, in everything.

And Mom specifically told her not to do anything bad. And sis sheesha-ed, which meant she smoked in the souq.

Basically, I saw this as abusing her freedom, which mom already gave to her in defeat.

I don't know what else to say.

Sorry if I spelt 'sheesha' wrong. I really don't bother searching up the right spelling.

I'm off.

Nothing much.

Only, I think I grew more addicted to Hetalia and US/UK.

Oh, and I have an Arabic exam which I have not studied for much. T___T

There are so many things I'd like to say. I just can't figure out where to start.

Things are starting to get better? No?

To be honest, there's this other side of me I want to get rid of. It just never appears because I make it not appear, but inside these mean thoughts keep on appearing. I don't know why. D:

Enough blabbering nonsense. I shall dance.

If Fara Karim sees this, this is Ardianty. Just in case.