Nothing much.

Only, I think I grew more addicted to Hetalia and US/UK.

Oh, and I have an Arabic exam which I have not studied for much. T___T

There are so many things I'd like to say. I just can't figure out where to start.

Things are starting to get better? No?

To be honest, there's this other side of me I want to get rid of. It just never appears because I make it not appear, but inside these mean thoughts keep on appearing. I don't know why. D:

Enough blabbering nonsense. I shall dance.

If Fara Karim sees this, this is Ardianty. Just in case.

Of Faith and Doubt

Can I find Faith here?

It seems that I had almost lost my faith in, well... everything.

I dunno how it happened to be honest. It was probably because it was 'time', but I felt so doubtful of myself.

Of how I felt I wasn't good enough. It wasn't pressure, though. Just the feeling you get when you feel so useless in everything.

Gah gah gah gah gah.

It got so bad I cried twice this week. =u=;; Then I cried even harder for scolding myself that I'm just making it hard on myself for worrying over something what others consider 'small'.

Well, I dunno. Faith is important to me. I think we can cry over it sometimes, but not that often. When we feel like we're losing it of course.

And then I almost lost it when I thought about how my friends might abandon me. About how I will lose my best friends. And everyone else who I love so much. Then I realized that that is one of my worst fears.

Wait, I'm going off-base.

Ignore the last few paragraphs and lines. I don't think it makes much sense either.

The point is have faith in God before you have faith in yourself. I thought about that when I slept last night. It was sad, and I cried about how it feels, like I almost lost faith in Allah.

And I hate that about me. I don't ever want to stray far from Allah's side. I don't wanna be a hypocrite.

Oh yeah, last night I dreamt that I was about to pray in my sleep. Waking up it made me feel hopeful.

I also once had a dream where it was all dark and rainy. Then I prayed in my dream to Allah SWT that it would be bright and nice again, and it came true later on.

That also made me feel hopeful. :)

WAIT OFF-BASE OFF-BASE OFF-BASE.

Okay so the thing that is important here is that

I have got my Faith back.

And we should all believe in ourselves.

But mostly believe in God.

--- ~ x 0 * x o ~ ---

---#~---(*)---~#---

DS:GOJDSKLGANMSDF:LKGJAS I DUNNO WHAT IS COMING OVER ME.

Oh yeah, note to self:

a) think about what makes you feel sad and emo all of a sudden and see the main cause of it. If it is from small things like school grades and competitions -andignoredfanfics- DO NOT GET WORKED UP.

b) SING. It makes you feel better. Begin singing with doors closed so you could shout at full blast without disturbing family with your terribly awesome voice. (Y) It boosts confidence, I suppose.

c) Publishing fanfics may break your heart. But keep on going anyways, and share your ideas.

If they don't read it may as well be their loss, haha *slaps*.

*OH YEAH I just published one and this time I got 3 reviews. 8D That's good considering it's a one-shot and most one-shots have an average of maybe 3-5 reviews*

*OH YEAH the best I've done was a fic with 4 chapters so far with 21 reviews YAY. That's like, five reviews-ish on each chapter *brags* *

d) Read and look at other people's works and comment about it. They might appreciate it and help appreciate your works too. (Y)

e) Act like yourself. Do what you want to do at school, speak your mind. That's the reason why you LMAO everyday after-school!

f) Believe. In yourself and other people.

g) Treat Bibil nicely. Don't get too close. Warning.

THIS WAS A RANT TO MYSELF. IF YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT TO COMMENT (if anyone is reading this that is) ABOUT MAINLY BECAUSE THIS IS UNCLEAR, DON'T.

AlthoughI'dappreciateitifyoudidhahahahahahahahahaha *SHOT*

Tacsuto Ocisal

Social Outcast. That's me.

voice. Any voice. Right now. I choose Blogger to rant instead of LJ because I know I can count on some people to comment and give their 'voices'. D:

And ranting. I want to rant how it's only 3 weeks of school and I'm already missing Year 7 because that's the year when I first entered QIS and started off as a Social Outcast like I am right now. But very different. Last year, I can start over new. I can make better first impressions and create new friends.

But I am gradually getting quieter every day. See why 'cuz this is killing me as I rant on.

I think I bore people out. Whenever I'm stuck with one person, be it either from the same group as the one I usually hang out with or not, we'd find both of us in silence for a while before one of us says something completely out of the blue (Whichwouldusuallybeme :-D) . It's like I don't have any topics to talk about. Which leads me to the next one on the list of Why-I-Be-So-SO:

I think I'm uninteresting. Because I CAN'T THINK OF ANY TOPIC TO TALK ABOUT. My life? Very unexciting. I mean, what does an average kid do in their everyday life? Me? I DO VERY BORING STUFFS AND I ENGROSS MY SELF IN THEM. Meaning; I enjoy doing what I want to do even though they're quite boring. Then I come into school and my pals talk about something so awesome and I just stand there and listen, having nothing to talk about. I feel lame.

My likes and dislikes. While my friends like stuffs like... like... any Western bands (They're cool, don't get me wrong), I go for KPop. Very different stuff to what my friends like. Then I like anime. So far, only two pals o mine like anime and I'm not interested that much in what they watch. >___<>

My reluctance to speak. Because, like the first and second, I might say something completely boring. But then I ask myself: is keeping quiet as boring as saying something 'not catchy'? :\ I'm not a good source of jokes, but I love making my friends laugh everyday with my... er... actually I don't really get how we're able to laugh our guts out, but I'm happy that I could be the reason why my friends laugh. And I hope that I get to do that more often, preferrably almost every day of school, insyallah.

My high level of... err, introvertism @_@. It got so bad that I refuse nearly all invitations from my friends and I want to punish myself for being so hesitant. The reason why I'm not very enthusiastic when it comes to parties is that I know as one that I get easily left out and ignored in a group. My evanescence. It's very horrible and tough. So, why come, when it wouldbe like spending my night mostly alone? Well, it doesn't always turn out that way though, thank God. Right now, a friend of mine is thinking about holding a beach party. I want to go so bad. But then I thought, how they just talk about it in front of me but seeming to say it without addressing me at all, I wonder if I am invited? Some friends I got. Some friend I am. And I suppose I don't like myself more than anyone at this moment for being such a scared little puss last year.

It is very obvious. It is slightly embarrassing, even though no one really cares to notice. I would be the one sticking out of my group at the edge of the circle we usually form. Ocha says it too. She pointed that out to me that I looked like a loner. I said aloud that I refused in believing that.

But I know, even before she told me, I am the odd one out. Not in.

Basically, I'm ranting about myself. And I'm quite upset about it; probably the reason why I'm losing my appetite these days. Even though in school I smile. :) I'll just have to try harder, don't I?

~~~

NOW TO LIFT MY SPIRITS UP I SHALL ADMIT THAT I AM, CRAZY AS IT IS, SLIGHTLY ATTRACTED TO VERY VERY VERY MILD YOY. 8D

*rummages through google to find some USxUK and GerIta pics*

...

*FAILS*

Well, wotevah. To make up the lack of Yoy Hetalia pics, I present to you Hetalia icons by LiveJournal. X))

No, wait, this is very cute Bromance between lil' USxUK. 8D

Austria and Hungary. One of the straight couples in Hetalia ^-^.

Right, I has homework to complete, and it is 9.45 PM. 8).

Did I mention how fun History is with Hetalia on your mind?

*is dead*

THANK YOU TO YOU IF YOU HAD STUCK ALL THE WAY THROUGH THIS DREADFULLY LONG ANGSTY POST. <3

I wouldn't call it 'Fangirl-ing'...

Hi hi, it has been a long time since I actually posted up here. Where did I left this blog hanging? Oh right, the poetry thingy. It was just to kill time. xD

Anyways, for the past two or three months, I've been to Indonesia on the 2nd May. My grandmother died, and she was my favourite. D': I cried hard. But I moved on. Now I don't cry when I remember my grandma (not to sound mean) but it does give me sad memories of her. But it's okay. She went 'home' to Allah SWT now. :')

That's what my Uncle texted to Mom while we're still in Doha. It went something like this:

Ndet (my mom's nick), Mama sudah pulang. Doa-in ya!
Thx.

My mom thought it was some kind of a joke because the words were slang-ish. xD When she told this to my grandfather, aunt, uncle and my other aunt in Bandung, we all laughed because we saw the funny side of this, but the tears were still on all our faces. Grandpa just told the story of how calmly and trouble-free my Grandma died. He always said that she didn't want to trouble people on her death. And that's what she got, because I knew Allah was by her side.

Grannie was really religious. She'd hold pengajians, like, once every 2-3 weeks or something! I'll miss that - pemgajian won't be the same without her. Now my grandpa lives only with my maid, aunt and her new baby. Isn't it weird? When I was in Indonesia the summer before, Grandma was there while my new baby cousin isn't. Now... it's the opposite. My new baby cousin called 'Keiko' is born and my grandma left.

I dunno how to describe it. Irony? Or something like, nothing stays forever, but memories could last, or something corny like that. xD

I almost cried when I typed about my Grandma, but anyways, back to the happier stories!
In Jakarta, I played Hotel626 with my cousins. They freaked out, including me, and to make matters worse was the fact that our house in Jakarta used to be a Chinese graveyard. 0__0;

Did you know, at around 2:00 in the morning, we could hear someone bathing in the back of our house? And it happened since a very long time--like, since dad was very little. It could be a broken saluran air, but it might be someone from their 'underground bed'...

Anyhoos, when I came back, not much happened. Just revising and revising and revising, and look at the day now! I already started my final exams. Thursday went great - History, French and Arabic were pieces of cake. :D

English description went well (until I found out that my friends wrote more than what I did, and it kinda ruined my self-confidence D:), but the reading...

Anyways, I HAS NEW ADDICTION! XD XD

And guess what it is? Cania and Ocha will know this because IT IS...

P A N D O R A H E A R T S~ ~ ~

Lolol, blame Ocha. She had me hooked.

To BiiEsh: The following paragraphs might seem like nonsense to you, but it is when you don't have a clue on what PH is, 'kay? xD Though I'm not sure, Ocha never said anything about you ever watching PH so this was just a mere warning...

And my favourite character? It be GILBERT [Raven] NIGHTRAY~
Why? Because he's cute *andhot* at the same time, and very loyal, and amusing when he's mad and also when he's embarassed haha. xD

Oh, no, I'm still bery faithful to Junsu-oppa and the rest of DBSK. But now, my focus is on PH. The storyline is really interesting, and it wasn't what I expected because...

When Ocha said Pandora HEARTS it reminds me of a shoujou series, so I wasn't really interested, and the fact she said that Alice was cute made it more shojou. XD XD

No offence, 'kay Ocha? D: It's just... even this bouncy, not-tomboyish and kinda girly girl I met likes it, so it kinda gave me the impression that the series was shojou and cheesy and... yeah. xD Forgive me for judging on first appearance. I was shallow-minded. X.x

Yes, well, call me insane for obsessing over an anime guy, but you can meet lots of otaku girls my age who crushes over imaginary guys. xP

Oh, and my favourite pairing is currently GilxAlice. X___x Yes, Cania and Ocha who supports OzxAlice, my point of view is really weird so please don't judge. I just thought that they looked cute together when they argue and like Ichigo and Rukia from Bleach, that's how they show their care for each other. I don't like them despising over each other... I just hope they communicate more closer to each other, ya know what I mean? xD

Close people tend to find that they argue over some things, too~ xD

Okay, well, ta-ta, if you read this before I upload some pics, I MIGHT edit this and upload some pics later, but I can't right now since it's almost 12.

Oh and today I had fun with Och & Rania at Rania's house. :D Oh yah, today, Ocha made a blogger account and Rania and me made a convo whilst Ocha was gone. Go speculate their blogs.

BUH-BYE~~~

Messageless Poetry.

[NOTE: If you are somehow amused with this entry, or think it's alright and not too boring, MAKE YOUR OWN HAIKU/POEM IN YOUR COMMENTS pl0x]

It's a Friday night as I write this, and I was supposed to be at Muaither. Was supposed. But then in the car, as we drove to pick Ard up from the Green Guitar I thought 'What the heck! I have, like, projects to do!'

Mom was baffled to see me back at home. She expected me to go to Muaither with Dad. But oh well. I HAVE SUCCEEDED IN REALISING WHAT RESPONSIBLITIES I HAD. POWER!!!1

Anyways, I'm multitasking in eating, Blogging and doing my Geography project. w00t. But since today I just blog to hide my despair -thereasonwasbecauseIpurposelymademyselfnottogotoMuaither- and there are no particular topic(s) to rant about, I shall discuss poetry, because I am highly bored.

I shall start with a haiku. You know what a haiku is? No?

Haiku : (n) is a form of Japanese poetry, consisting of 17 morae, in three metrical phrases of 5, 7, 5.

That's very easy.
Do you understand haiku?
Make one up yourself.

^ FAIL. Oh wait, here's another one :

This is a haiku.
Sometimes haiku don't make sense.
Refridgerator.

Okay, I shall cut that out right now. BTW The plural of haiku is haiku.

I remember one time, in Year 5, we were assigned with partners to create our own poems up in pairs. I still remember the first part of me and my friend's poem. You want me to recite it? No? Well here it is, anyways. :D :

There was a boy who's name was Tim,
His friends were very mean to him.
They made him tea with spices in,
And threw him in the garbage bin.

I was relieved when the class gave a few chuckles. XD It was meant to be funny, but I doubted it when we wrote it. Maybe you felt the same way. Not funny, I meant. But the poem I admire most at this stage is Jonathan Reed's Lost Generation. I'm not sure if everyone knows it, but I think it deserves to be known by other people in this society. *lolwt

I am part of a lost generation
and I refuse to believe that
I can change the world
I realize this may be a shock but
“Happiness comes from within.”
is a lie, and
“Money will make me happy.”
So in 30 years I will tell my children
they are not the most important thing in my life
My employer will know that
I have my priorities straight because
work
is more important than
family
I tell you this
Once upon a time
Families stayed together
but this will not be true in my era
This is a quick fix society
Experts tell me
30 years from now, I will be celebrating the 10th anniversary of my divorce
I do not concede that
I will live in a country of my own making
In the future
Environmental destruction will be the norm
No longer can it be said that
My peers and I care about this earth
It will be evident that
My generation is apathetic and lethargic
It is foolish to presume that
There is hope.

And all of this will come true unless we choose to reverse it .

Read the message, then read it again in reverse, line by line.

Which generation do you belong in?
----

GIVE A ROUND OF APPLAUSE FOR JONATHAN REED, EVERYBODY~